So the first day of my challenge has come to an end and my mustache now lies wearily on the bathroom sink next to the toothbrushes, where it rests after a long, full day of serious mustaching. As I sit here typing this, I already feel a draft on my re-exposed upper lip, despite the 75 degree temperature here in Los Angeles (sorry, couldn't resist to mention that for all my friends and family who are freezing their tushies off in Wisconsin). So while the sun is setting on day one, let's time travel back to this morning, when a mustache known only as "The Hollywood" was fresh and new and ready to tickle -- err, tackle the day.
I woke up early this morning, as I do most early mornings, bleary eyed and slightly grumpy (I'm a night person). I stumbled into the bathroom, grabbed my old Mach 3 razor. lathered up and went right to work on my face (perhaps you heard the sonic booms, there were four). I wanted to have a clean canvas so that meant, along with the 3 days worth of stubble, the goatee beard had to go [A side note here: I always feel the need to say "beard" when I say goatee because thanks to that late 90s trend that saw most guys, myself included, growing that circle of facial hair around their mouths, that became my definition of goatee. But it turns out that's incorrect, as I recently looked up the term in the dictionary and it actually just refers to a type of beard, not a beard/mustache combo. But, I digress.] All existing facial hair had to go because I didn't want anything (well, anything that was removable anyway) taking the focus away from the mustache. For the same reason, I had also decided not to coordinate my hairstyle and/or wardrobe to each day's mustache. Plus that sounded like waaaaay too much early morning work for a non-morning person such as myself. So, that task complete, I reached for my unopened package of Stylish Mustaches.
Now, if you've seen the photo I posted of the Stylish Mustaches packaging, you probably noticed that "The Hollywood" is actually designated for Sunday. I made the bold (dare I say reckless?) decision to throw caution to the wind and ignore Accoutrement's (the company behind this wonderful product) recommendations and am going to choose my mustache solely based on my mood. Only time will tell if this is a foolish endeavor or not. I can see three guys in white lab coats at Accoutrement screaming at their computer screen while reading this, "That fool!!! We did three months of research on what mustache works best on which day and he just ignores it?!" For the record, I did take a moment to check the packaging for any kind of warning labels regarding this and the only one I found was for not letting children under 3 years old play with them as they are a choking hazard. Note to self: Do not let your 6 month old son play with your mustaches. Note to reader: Expect to see photos soon of my 6 month old son wearing said mustaches. Besides, given the fact that I actually work in Hollywood, it didn't seem right to not wear The Hollywood on a week day, wouldn't you say? On top of that, I felt the need to start with something flashy, something exciting. So there ... from here on out, expect the unexpected because this guy lives his life on the edge ... at least when faux facial hair is concerned.
Anyway ... I removed The Hollywood from it's cozy plastic bed in the package and begun to peel off the paper backing to reveal the sticky underside. Although I had early concerns that the adhesive on this product would not endure the rigors of a full day of use, I was pleasantly surprised when I placed it against my upper lip and realized that I was actually dealing with a well made product in that department. I know this because when i first put it on, it seemed too high on my lip so I needed to remove it and it put up a bit of a fight. The second attempt was more successful and I was ready to show it to the world. I kissed my family goodbye and I was off to Hollywood, wearing The Hollywood.
About 10 minutes into my drive to work the thing started to tickle my nose. Then it started tickling a lot ... and not in an Elmo, hee-hee kind of way -- in a "dear lord I've got to get this freaking thing off my face or I'm gonna run my car into a telephone pole because it's driving me insane" kind of way. I told myself to calm down ... I'm sure the feeling would pass and i would get used to it. I relaxed and took a deep breath. Then I became slightly concerned. What if one of those little "hairs" were to become dislodged, get sucked up my nose and find it's way to my brain? I can see the headlines now: MAN KILLED BY MUSTACHE! Not a pretty way to go. At 12 minutes in, I was ready to rip the thing off and throw it out the window. But no, I was dedicated to a cause (hey, right now would be a perfect time to move that mouse over to the upper left and hit that donate button!) and I wasn't going to give up this early in the challenge. Stay strong, I told myself. At about half an hour into my commute I was doing better. As I pulled into my work's parking lot, I was a bit disappointed not to see any paparazzi as a side-effect of wearing a mustache called The Hollywood, but what are you gonna do?
Okay, this blog is starting to turn into a novel (or blovel?) so I will try to summarize the rest of the day quickly. Most of my coworkers couldn't help but admire my new look ... often asking me if I had lost a bet. I informed them of the challenge I had given myself, the good cause behind it and the blog detailing it. All and all, It was a pretty quiet day, being a holiday for most lucky souls in L.A., so nothing too exciting happened. At one point, there was rumors of cupcakes here at work, but I didn't want to risk frosting clogging up the 'stache so I abstained.
In the end, looking at photos of myself in day one's mustache (yes, I confess I had a little too much fun there) I feel like "The Hollywood" may be a bit of a misnomer. Truth be told, I look more like a Super Mario brother than a A-List movie star. Ah well ... I'd better get going. It's getting late and I have to go rescue my wife from a big gorilla who's throwing barrels at me. Tune again tomorrow my friends ... same mustache time, same mustache channel!
